Stop Saying This - Part One (#1 - #10)

#1 - “It’s not fair” Life isn’t fair. Stop complaining, stop your expectations and your feelings of entitlement. Your attitude and your effort make the difference. Life owes you nothing.

#2 - “I told you so” Full of contempt and negativity. Instead, be positive and state how to do it in this moment. “Ok, let’s get ourselves back on track. What we can now do is…”

#3 - “Calm down…” Telling someone to calm down adds fuel to a burning fire. Let the other person speak and hear her out completely. Let her say everything that’s on her mind: all her problems, anxieties, whatever it is that’s preoccupying her. Listen carefully (maybe for a solution), be empathetic, and show that you’re listening by saying “I see…” and to understand more: “Please tell me more.” The conversation is about you, my partner, and not me. What you say is interesting and I’m learning.

#4 - “You always/you never” Most likely an untrue statement as it is absolute. Additionally, it makes people defensive and leads to an unconstructive conversation. We can't see the future, so let's stop saying “never”.

#5 - “Impossible” Similar to “never” and rarely true. Many things that seemed impossible are now common. 200 years ago, the idea of seeing someone through a device in the palm of your hand thousand kilometers away seemed impossible. Now, it happens every second. So keep your focus and figure out a way around roadblocks. Impossible is (almost) nothing. The word itself says "I'm possible."

#6 - “I can’t” It means “you won’t” and/or you lack the ability to get the job done. If you want to turn down a project, say: “I have other priorities currently...” Using “don’t” instead of “can’t” reinforces your power in the choice. Do not say: “We can’t sell 1.000 books that way.” say “To sell 1.000 books, we will need to increase our salesforce by three sales executives given our current conversion.” Provide more context, it leads to better relationships.

#7 - “How it has always been done” We live for the future, not for the past. The only thing we can be sure of is constant change - take advantage of the change and seek out ways to become better. "If you're not getting better, you're getting worse."

#8 - “No problem”; “No worries”; “No big deal” States that there was a problem, worry, or big deal. Instead, use positive thinking: “You’re welcome.”; “It was my pleasure.”; “Glad I could help.”; “All good.” The best option to invoke reciprocity is: “I know you’d do the same for me.”

#9 - “Whatever (you want)”; "I don't care" If someone asks you something, tell them your opinion and show them respect by thinking, caring, and being involved. Any time you use this word you are foregoing to make a choice. And life is all about making small choices. When you reply with the above words, you show that you do not care enough to think and make a decision.

#10 - “This will only take a minute” Most likely an untrue statement. Very few things only take a minute. It’s far better to give an accurate approximation of how long they’re going to take or, failing that, say “This won’t take long”. Give realistic deadlines and then own up to them.