Stop Saying This - Part Eight (#71 - #80)

#71 - “My name is Alexander Lutz”

To be more natural and approachable say “I’m Alexander Lutz”

#72 - Humble bragging/Self-depreciation

Many people think that self-deprecation masks their bragging, but most see right through it. This makes the bragging all the more malign because it isn’t just bragging, it’s also an attempt to deceive.

#73 - Name-dropping

This invariably has the opposite effect that you would wish for. It makes people feel as though you’re insecure and overly concerned with having them like you. Rather than impressing them, it cheapens you. You must position yourself in terms of what you know instead of who you know.

#74 - Being too serious

At work be serious, yet friendly. Get things done because you are socially effective and capitalize on valuable social exchanges. Focus on having meaningful interactions with your co-workers and remember what they were talking about last week. This demonstrates your human side and shows that they are just as important to you as your work is. “Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

#75 - Emotional hijacking

Exploding in anger and directing this at an employee, regardless of how much they might ‘deserve it’, turns a huge amount of negative attention your way and invariably makes all your staff unhappy. It also implies that you are unstable, unapproachable, and intimidating. Controlling your emotions keeps you in the driver’s seat. If you can keep calm and rational when someone wrongs you, they end up looking bad instead of you. Example of a calm leader: Tom Sizemore as McKnight in Black Hawk Down keeping ultimate calmness and directing the troops under heavy incoming fire.

#76 - “I make $600k a year”

Don’t overshare too fast. Let the other person guide you as to when it’s the right time for you to open up on personal matters. Oversharing reveals you as being self-obsessed and insensitive to the balance of the conversation. Think of it this way: if you’re getting into the nitty-gritty of your life without learning about the other person first, you’re sending the message that you see them as nothing more than a sounding board for your own problems.

#77 - “Why did XYZ happen?”

Instead, it’s better to ask simply: “What’s happened?” The “why” question, asked too soon, can be perceived as being judgmental or critical. It is better to actively encourage everyone to take a logical, factual, impersonal approach. Instead of asking “why?”, you should be asking “what should come next?”

#78 - “FYI”

Always summarize and state the reason why you’re forwarding the information.

#79 - “Do you have a minute?”

This should be replaced with: “Is this a good time to talk?” to start the Socratic method/yes ladder or “Is this a bad time to talk?” Replying ‘no’ makes the respondent feel comfortable and builds confidence. Also, almost nothing takes a minute, so you’re beginning with a falsehood which is never a good way to start a conversation.

#80 - “How could you not want this deal?”

Closing the deal is important, but don’t be too pushy. Make your customers see the value of your offer for themselves. They must come to their own conclusion. Use “Most of my customers find this deal to be the best they’ve come across…”