Stop Saying This - Part Four (#31 - #40)

#31 - “No” Where there is a question of possibility, for example, “can we do XYZ?”, don’t give a reflex “no” response but think it through thoroughly. Very often our instinctive reactions and limited horizon prevent us from thinking something is possible when in fact it is. In customer service the word “no” must not exist. Do not use it in customer-facing interactions; instead offer a more informative and carefully considered comment about the decision and why it was made.

#32 - “Fear” Instead say “I’m excited”. Excitement and fear are similar but one is positive and the other is inhibitive unless you beat it. Which you must because fear is not real. Although they are very similar, a confession of fear can put you in a bad light. Be excited about what’s ahead. An alternative could be “I wouldn’t worry about it.” Project the attitude that even if something goes wrong, you’re able to handle it. Whatever happens, you will cope. Imagine the worst-case scenario and think about the consequences.

#33 - “I’m worried” Expressing worry demonstrates that you fear a negative outcome and that you may be overthinking the problem. It says that you are focusing on the problem instead of looking for the solution. Think about the problem from all angles before telling someone that you are worried. If the situation merits your unease, say: “I have some concerns about that”. Save any worries for the real problems in life. Better still, focus on not worrying at all. It only serves to create negative illusions about events that may never occur. “Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

#34 - “Don’t worry about it” Expresses too much confidence as you’re taking away the partner’s ability to think about the topic himself. It also leaves people in the dark about what you are doing and belittles them as you may think that they cannot do something. Leaders empower others, not strip them of their power.

#35 - “As I said before.”; “Aforementioned” This inevitably makes the other person feel bad and can be used only in exceptional circumstances. Instead, convey your original message more clearly and try to make it more memorable.

#36 - “Actually”; “Obviously” These superior words can rub people the wrong way as they suggest that the other person does not understand the issue or circumstance (and that you are right) or understands something (when they may not). Making assumptions about other people’s levels of understanding shows your lack of understanding and can annoy or frustrate others and cause people to disrespect you.

#37 - “But” This implies a negative meaning for everything said before. Instead, opt for “however”, “please bear in mind”, “please consider that”, “we need to take into consideration” or simply “and”. Do not use it as a filler at the beginning of whatever you’re going to say, so use “and” or “yes, and.” Even if “and” is not fully grammatically correct, use it instead of “but”.

#38 - “Thank you, but…” The negative is obvious here so turn it around and emphasize the positive. For instance: “I can’t make it tonight but thank you so much for the invite. I would’ve loved to come.” Anything before the “but” is usually forgotten.

#39 - “Yes, but...” You’re agreeing yet disagreeing at the same time and projecting a confusing position. Just listen non-defensively, respectfully, affectionately, and attentively, and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

#40 - “I don’t want to XYZ, but…”; “I’m not XYZ, but…” This implies that you know something is bad, but you choose to disregard it. This phrase is only about making you feel better for bringing it up so think carefully before using it – and then only use it sparingly.