Stop Saying This - Part Seven (#61 - #70)

#61 - “Someone/Somebody”

Be specific and use the person’s name!

#62 - “Someone has to tell you…”

The underlying message here isn't that you're trying to impart useful information or advice, but that you want the personal satisfaction or relief of being that ‘someone’. Instead, be honest, take responsibility, and say it with ‘I’. Examples: "Someone has to tell you; your team is afraid of you."; "I have to tell you; your team is afraid of you." Or "Someone has to tell you; half of your best employees are ready to quit because you're a poor leader." … "I have to tell you; half of your best employees are ready to quit because you're a poor leader."

#63 - "How are you/How was your day?"

Instead be specific with a direct question: “How did you feel during your test?”; “What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess?”; “What did you do well at today?”; “What did you fail at today?”; “When did you feel proud today?” Questions are like gifts. It's the thought and knowledge behind them that the receiver really appreciates. We must know the receiver to give the right gift and to ask the right question. Generic gifts and questions are alright, but personal gifts and questions feel better. Love is specific. It's an art. The more attention and time you give to your questions, the more precious the answers become. Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.

#64 - “How's it going? Everything's great, right?"

The person you're talking with will often hear something more prescribed: "I'm going to ask you this, and you're going to answer that." Instead, leave it open and don’t give an answer: “How did your batting practice go this afternoon?”

#65 - “At least I’m better than…”

Saying this means you’re targeting low and want to make yourself feel better. No, target high, the best, not something where you know you’re just “better”.

#66 - “Person X is doing better”

Don't make comparisons like this. To motivate someone, only compare them to themselves in the past and/or give examples of how they could improve in a positive way.

#67 - "Bring me solutions, not problems”

Sometimes employees need help with their problem, and they need to tell you about it so you can solve it together. Keeping quiet about a problem just because they don’t have a solution is not constructive and can lead to an even worse situation developing.

#68 - “Whether X or Y”

If you only have two options, maybe it’s time to look outside the box and search for options 3 and 4. Think about the opportunity costs and vanishing options. Imagine you don’t have any of your current options. Move your mental spotlight somewhere else - not what you have but what you don’t have. To distance yourself from your current options and thinking, imagine you’re a brand-new CEO who must make the decision (Intel going from memory chips to processors), or that you’re designing the product for a competitor (Colgate Wisp).

#69 - “X OR Y”

Make it: “X and Y.” Don’t limit yourself to two options. Multitrack your options and try multiple options at the same time. Exploring options sequentially is often not efficient and judging the outcomes becomes problematic. As a company, don't think “prevention OR promotion”. Think “prevention AND promotion at the right time.”

#70 - “If only I had…”; “I should have…”; “I wish I had…”; “You shouldn’t have…”

Don’t ruminate or dwell on the past. It has happened and it has gone. You can’t control it. You can only control your reaction. Dwelling on the past is a waste of time and energy. Let go of it. What you can do is think about what happened rationally in order to learn from it and not make the same mistake again.