Stop Saying This - Part Six (#51 - #60)

#51 - “Things”

Here is yet another valueless, unedifying word that implies a degree of laziness in the speaker. With a little thought, “things” can easily be replaced with more descriptive and meaningful expressions. Instead of “How are things going with our project?”, it is better to be more direct with a question such as: “Can you update me on how our project is progressing?” This question is clearer and will likely lead to a better answer, as well.

#52 - “Like”; “Whatever”; “Etcetera”; “…and so on and so forth”

Keep these common filler words and phrases to a minimum. They’re known as ‘crutch words’ because they are relied on too much. People generally use them when they are trying to think of what they want to say next or are unsure of the entire enumeration. They also dilute the potency of the words you go on to use. Instead, pause for a moment to collect your thoughts. In particular, “Like” when used several times in a sentence amounts to nothing more than a verbal tic; it’s sloppy speech that diminishes your authority and your ability to communicate succinctly. If you have to use one of these crutch words, please use "etcetera".

#53 - “I hate to bother you…”; “Sorry for bothering you, sir…”

With this phrase, you give the other person complete control; your over-politeness reduces your power and authority. If you are uncertain about your timing, try something like: "When you have a minute, I would like to discuss XYZ with you." Better still: “Please let me know when you have time to discuss XYZ.” Or strongest of all: “Would Thursday at 15:00 be convenient for you to discuss XYZ?”

#54 - “If it’s ok, would you mind…”

When you need to be polite to a superior, say: “May I have a moment, please?” Asking someone’s permission immediately reduces the importance of whatever it is you are asking. It also opens the door for them to think or say, "No, it's not OK," or "Yes, I do mind." Be courteous but authoritative when you make a reasonable request, even if you're speaking to the boss. Don't use a subordinate tone that might suggest you are inferior or not up to the job.

#55 - “Sir”

We don’t work in the military or back in the 1950s. Unless working in a store with a stream of customers you’ve never met before, it can make people feel old and, with gender diversity, it can backfire. Either omit it or use the person’s name. The same applies to ma’am or madam.

#56 - “Sorry”

We apologize so much that “Sorry” has virtually lost its meaning. Use it only for serious difficulties caused specifically by you and not for those that are outside your control. Instead of “sorry”, use “thank you” or “I appreciate you” Examples: “Thank you for your patience.”; “Thank you for listening.”; “Thank you for expecting more of me.”; “Thank you for taking the time to read. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.” Examples: “Sorry, Wednesday doesn’t work for me”. Instead offer a solution or propose an alternative: “Wednesday doesn’t work for me. Are you available Thursday or Friday?” Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for; save the apologies for when you really mean them.

#57 - “Hopefully”

In your personal life and in business, you don’t hope, you deliver. Drop the “hopefully” and just say “I will” and “I’ll go for it.”

#58 - “I know, but...”

Don’t pretend to know, try to understand. Understanding is key to having empathy. As we’ve discussed before, understanding is the difference between knowing something and truly empathizing with it. If you catch yourself saying, “I know, but” a lot, that’s an indicator that you should pause before offering your opinion. When someone tells you about an experience that’s not your own, take some time to mull over how your life might be different if you experienced that.

#59 - “I know how you feel”

Although intended to build a connection, instead it can build a wall. Nobody can truly understand exactly how someone else feels - suggesting that you can only deflects away from the person you are conversing with and selfishly focuses the attention on yourself.

#60 - “That reminds me…”

This phrase is OK if it’s used to genuinely remember something. Then write it down and say, “please continue.” It’s not OK if you use it as a shift response that moves the focus of a conversation away from someone and towards you. For instance: "I got a scary diagnosis last week, but it turned out to be a false alarm." - "That reminds me of a coworker who was given a positive test, but it turned out to be a mix-up.” Or: "I applied for this job I really want, and I haven't heard anything back." - "That reminds me, I once really wanted to work for that company, too." Instead, use a support response. It shows that you're willing to sacrifice your need to be the center of attention and let the other person express their opinions, complaints, or concerns.