Stop Saying This - Part Three (#21 - #30)

#21 - “I wish” Don’t wish. Just do it. Wishing invariably means you’re not going to do something. You don’t say “I wish” when you’re actually doing something. You decide to do it and engage in the process of action. Nothing occurs when you wish; you must act on your ambitions to make them happen.

#22 - “I hope” “I hope I get this right” invariably means you won’t get it right. Replace “I hope” with something more positive, such as “I will”, “I WILL go for it.” or “I’m determined to get this right.” Let your determination speak!

#23 - “My day is ruined” No, it’s not. Don’t exaggerate with a statement like this. Your day is only as bad as you let it be. If you tell yourself it’s bad, then any day will be bad. If you expect bad, you’ll get it. Expect the good and think positively. What you move towards, moves toward you. You can come back from anything

#24 - “Um…”; “I’m not sure” This portrays you as weak, doubtful, hesitant, and pessimistic – not the type of person who inspires confidence and assurance. Confident people avoid these expressions and instead speak assertively. It’s almost impossible to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction

#25 - “It’s not my fault” To use this as an excuse severely compromises your credibility, no matter how great or small the part you played in whatever went wrong. Own up, take responsibility, and find a solution – and in this way gain the respect of your colleagues. Be both a problem spotter and solver. Live by the football motto: "No excuses. No explanations."

#26 - “Fault” Telling someone that something is “their fault” is almost always derogatory and degrading and a recipe for disengagement. Sometimes it might be necessary but be aware that it can carry unforeseen risks. If you must, frame taking responsibility positively. The key is to be fair, succinct, and focus more on the performance of the team instead of the failings of one individual.

#27 - “Wrong” There’s no better way of making someone angry or demotivating them than by telling them they're wrong. Maybe this might be valid if an issue is truly black or white, but most are not, so a softer, more nuanced, and diplomatic statement can be advantageous. Also, saying “wrong” is a sign of closed-minded thinking. Rarely is someone completely wrong or completely right; there are degrees of truth in almost all situations - and can often depend on the point of view.

#28 - “With all due respect.”; “No offense,”; “I normally wouldn’t say this, but...”; “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” Usually what you say after this is anything but respectful or inoffensive. You don’t make it better by prefacing whatever you’re going to say with a negative statement like these. If you have to say something negative, say it with honesty and without resorting to this type of preface.

#29 - “I have to…” Better to say “I get to…” No one has to do anything. We are privileged to do the things we do. Change your mindset towards gratitude and you’ll feel different about the things you choose to do.

#30 - “Don’t” Turn this into a positive and use “do”. If you say, “don’t spill the drink” you can almost guarantee that the drink will be spilled. So, say “please bring the drink over here and try not to spill it.” An even worse combination: fixing and trying to make it alright. “Don’t cry” or “Don’t be upset” is the fixer’s primary response to pain. Often people need to be upset and express their grief, sadness, anger, or other strong negative emotions. So be mentally present, listen, and ask intelligent, empathetic questions.