Stop Saying This - Part Two (#11 - #20)

#11 - “I’m so busy”; “Work is crazy”

This implies that you are focusing on something you consider more important. Instead, you might say something that explains why you cannot comply with the request, for instance: "I'm working on a report that’s needed first thing tomorrow morning." or "I'm focused on developing two new client proposals.” However, be sure to convey your willingness to help: “…but I’ll be happy to get involved as soon as I complete my current project.”

#12 - “I don’t have time to”

As with the above, this doesn’t put you in a favorable light; in fact, as an excuse, it is seldom believed. If you want to do something or see someone, you will find the time. Instead, be honest and make your priorities clear: “This is not my priority right now as I’m working on x.” or “I can’t take on this extra task as I’m focusing on y.” You’re the sole owner of your most valuable asset: time, so take control of it.

#13 - “Good luck”

Don’t wish them luck, try to wish them something based on their abilities. “All the best.”; “Best wishes for your future ventures.”; “Make it happen.”; “Wish you well.”; “I know you’ll do great.”

#14 - “He’s this/she’s that”

It is never acceptable to talk badly about colleagues or acquaintances or to resort to unfounded disparaging generalities. Only engage in carefully considered, constructive criticism on a one to one basis with the person in question - and do not involve yourself in gossip.

#15 - “I hate”

Hate is generally too strong a word and can make you seem hot-headed, unprofessional, and confrontational. It should only be used in extreme situations. Instead, use “I dislike” or “I disapprove of.”

#16 - “Stupid”

To refer to someone as stupid is an unprofessional judgment call that compromises your own integrity. No one deserves to be called stupid and neither should you dismiss their ideas as such.

#17 - “I’m stupid”; “That was stupid of me”

If someone says this about themselves, focus on the fact that this is their instant reaction to a one-off event or situation - not a personal trait of theirs. This person is feeling frustrated about a specific thing. So don’t respond “No, you’re not!” - that’s not at all helpful. You’re not going to change anybody’s feelings by contradicting it. Instead, try to understand what those things are by asking: “What makes you feel that way?” Also, a matter-of-fact response like: “I know this is tricky, but you can do it” works well or “I know it’s difficult and frustrating, but that doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

#18 - “I think...”; “I feel…”; “I believe...”; “This may be a silly idea/question...”; “I’m not sure, but I think…”

Avoid passive qualifiers as they negatively influence everything that follows. They do nothing to inspire confidence – in fact, they do the exact opposite. Your own authenticity and integrity are then called into question. These words make you sound unsure of yourself and the topic that’s being discussed. Instead say: “I need to say something.” or simply remove these fillers altogether. Notice the difference in tone and emphasis between: “I just feel this is an important problem for us to deal with.” versus “This is an important problem for us to deal with.” If the battle is worth fighting, be bold, direct, and make sure everyone knows exactly where you stand.

#19 - “I’ll try”

Saying this means you have little confidence and conviction in your abilities. It also implies that failure is a possibility, which is hardly the message you want to convey. Take full ownership of the mission and your capabilities. Instead reply: “I’ll certainly do my best."

#20 - “(I) should”

Should is s***. Replace with “I could”. For instance: “I could go to the gym…but I have decided not to.” Take responsibility for your actions. “I should be on time” doesn’t help with tardiness and creates an element of doubt. Instead, say “I will be on time”. There is no reason to sow a seed of doubt about something that might not happen. In the unlikely event that things go wrong, and you are late, you can then explain why. Similarly, “He should have known his email would backfire” becomes “He must always think carefully before he hits ‘send’.” Again, “My team should be able to pull that off.” becomes “I believe my team has the talent to pull that off.”